It has been 8 months since I recovered, and I can say that it has been 8 months that a new life has started for me and for those around me.
It has been difficult for me to assume that I have this disease called ADDICTION, of which so much is unknown, and I could say that I am still digesting it.
But if I look back and thanks to the help of therapists and colleagues, I have realized that my addictive behaviours already began as a child.
As for substances, if I remember correctly, I started to consume alcohol when I was 14 years old, in the typical town parties and parties that we organized ourselves.
I was a shy boy and alcohol made me lose my shyness when interacting with people, especially with girls.
At first my alcohol consumption was low since I only used sporadically when I went to a party.
But over time those consumptions were increasing.
At 17 I started smoking joints. That’s when my school performance began to plummet.
I started to skip classes and have managed them so that my parents would not find out and thus not disappoint them.
Starting the lies.
As for the parties, I already started going to discos more and more and the highs were getting bigger, since I gathered alcohol, tobacco and joints and there was not a night that did not end on the floor or in the middle of a fight.
My parties changed radically when, at 18 years old and with a fresh driver’s license, I tried cocaine.
The drug that 8 months ago almost took my life.
But that in those moments it seemed to me that I became invincible, that I could do everything, that all my problems disappeared, that people loved you more and a host of things that were not real.
That only lasts if the effect of the drug lasts. A fictional reality. My consumptions at the beginning were sporadic.
Many times, I used it to lower the high from the drink so that I could continue drinking more and to take away my fatigue and continue with the party until the next day and even for days without eating or sleeping.
At first, they were quite controlled consumptions and between several friends or party companions.
But over time my body got used to the substance and I was gradually increasing the consumptions.
Eventually, I began to buy the drugs secretly from everyone.
My dependence on cocaine was strong enough.
So much so that I didn’t know how to go to party without first having my corresponding grams in my pocket and yet I always ended up buying more and more.
That was how the years went.
The truth is that I remember them all quite similar.
Many job changes and some business that did not last because I got tired or bored and cheating on my girlfriend most of the weekends to be able to continue consuming at my ease without her knowing.
And as the years went by, I was unconsciously separating myself from my group of friends and getting more and more together with people who used like me.
During these years I tried to quit several times, but without any success.
I could not last more than three weeks in a row without consuming cocaine and during the week I consumed alcohol practically daily, that was my dependence.
My big decline started about a year before I was put into treatment.
I started a company that I had to dedicate many hours to, and I found myself with a lot of money in a short time.
There my cocaine use increased considerably, but it was still on the weekends.
I began to see that it was getting out of hand, although I had lost control for a long time, but I did not want to see it and I proposed to my girlfriend to have a baby, hoping that it would all end.
That would make me react. But the effect was the opposite.
When she got pregnant my consumption increased much more.
I started using during the week to the point that my life became totally unmanageable, and I was forced to ask for help.
It was a very difficult decision to make because it costs a lot to admit that you have a problem and to do it in front of your family.
But to this day I can say that it is the best thing I have ever done.
The recovery has been tough. I could say that the most complicated job I have done in my life and at the same time the only important one.
When you start, you see everything black, and you can’t find a way out.
But little by little, by doing your daily work and above all by letting yourself be directed through the centre, the path becomes clear and you begin to see everything more clearly and understand many things.
In these almost 9 months since I started, I have learned many things.
I have seen that I have a family that loves me and supports me above all, like my girlfriend, who despite everything continues to be by my side giving me strength every day to move forward.
I have a treatment where I can let go of my desire to consume, some good therapists and some good companions.
A precious son who gives me life every time I see him.
And although I know that I have still got a long way to go, now I see myself more prepared and stronger than ever.