From childhood he already had functions that indicated it but he did not think that it would become a problem. I was capricious, impulsive, I didn’t accept a no for an answer because if they didn’t give me what I wanted I would look for my own means to get it.
I had a seemingly good childhood, I didn’t lack anything on a material level but on an emotional level some gaps were created which at the beginning of adolescence I started to cover with drugs.
At the age of 13, I started consuming alcohol and marijuana almost daily with my classmates, both to cover up those emotions and to be socially accepted in the group of seniors and to create an ego of bullshit and arrogance. At 16, I tried cocaine the same day I was born.
The reasons were the same, my friends had already tried it and I was still with the leeks and that could not be, I had to take another step so as not to be left behind. It also influenced that I had been in contact with the substance before in the house of my cousins which I had idealized, since I wanted to be like them.
From the beginning it was out of control even though I was not aware of it. Even if it was only the weekend in the early years, on Monday or Tuesday my head was already counting on what I was going to buy on Friday to place myself, leaving aside any other expenses to be able to consume.
At that time he was studying mechanics at a private center. Every day he received money for the bus and food. Many days the food was any crap from the supermarket so that on Friday I would have enough money for drugs.
Shortly afterwards the pills and the mdma arrived in my hands, which I soon tried. The feeling I had was that the world was eating me, that it was unstoppable. I was not ashamed and that allowed me to bond more in nightclubs, to be more sociable than ever, not to be afraid of anything.
Although all truth has two faces. Along with everything explained behind, I also lost my dignity when it came to getting the drug when there was no money left, I was sociable to a certain extent as I became violent in a matter of seconds and any relationship established was chaotic.
That’s how the years went by until I turned 25. After several toxic relationships due to dependence and consumption, I went to live alone on one floor. I started to touch bottom consuming only at home, with paranoia and without wanting to see anyone, as I did not feel comfortable going and being among the people. At the slightest consumption, my face fell apart and I felt that everyone was watching me.
Everything was a disaster, my life became ungovernable, I could not keep the job, or my relationship with the couples and did not arrive at the end of the month or with the help of my parents, who I take advantage of to continue consuming as they assumed the expenses I could not afford. He could not go to a family dinner or any other act without consuming. I had no hygiene at home, I could not take care of my dog properly, debts in bars, friends and camels.
One day I couldn’t stand the situation anymore and I had to decide whether to ask for help or throw myself into the river, luckily I chose well.
My mother looked for a center and found Inicia addiction treatment. The next day he arranged an interview to which I was not very convinced at first but Marcos the therapist was very close and conveyed to me a confidence which has made everything more bearable.
At first it was hard because it was not easy to speak in front of a group but I understood that it was the only way to recover, along with very calm guidelines in order to stop my head. It is very necessary to talk about what you have been saving for so many years and what is happening during the day to day of the treatment as you release a pressure that is not good to keep.
I thought it was just quitting and doing therapy and I thought I could get on with my old life, false friendships, toxic environments, and so on.
That is impossible because all this can only lead an addict to re-consume. It was hard for me to understand, so much so that I even started doing a routine part and at the same time was doing some stumbling blocks, until I came back to rubbing consumption.
There I began to believe what I was being told thanks to the fact that in therapy I was confronted with my reality. The most important thing in treatment is to be carried away in order to change all the old ways and behaviors for a new way of living a dignified and drug-free life.
I returned to my guidelines set by the center. Everything was better from there, until I reached 6 months where I started deciding with my sick head and without consulting the therapist. It started with a small decision and I ended up in a loop from which in a short time I threw all the work done on the ground without the option of being able to get out of it.
When I gained the strength to tell it in therapy, I was confronted with my reality again and everything changed, I realized that I could not continue like this, I could not miss this last opportunity that was being given to me. So I decided to get started and let myself be carried away no matter how much it cost and do it for me, as I never wanted to consume again.
It was hard to go back because every day of treatment is a war against the disease that just wants to reintroduce the toxic in the body or get to cover the discomfort with some activity, compulsive shopping or an uncontrollable urge to have sex.
In short, the day of a treatment addict is a challenge to get to bed without having consumed. It’s very hard and sometimes you would send everything to take for granted but in those moments they put our reality in front of us, the disaster we have caused in our path.
That helps to become aware of the situation and gives strength to follow first for oneself and at the same time for all loved ones, who have suffered as much or more than the same addict.
Today after 14 months in treatment I can say that it is the best thing I have done in my life. Proud not to consume, I have learned to be a better person, responsible with myself and those around me, constant in everything I do, maintain hygiene at home, improve treatment with my family and learn values and a way to assume life with dignity and a clear and drug-free mind.
All this thanks to the therapeutic team and the group, as it is a relief to know that you have a place where you can express yourself without taboos, and where you can learn everything you need to cope with the day to day treatment.
I thank my parents and my sister for always helping me and supporting me in these difficult times because without them it would have been impossible.
And of course to the center and the group for making me overcome day after day and so I can build a new life. I am aware that I have a disease that is for life and that is why I continue to fight thanks to everything I have learned and what remains to be learned.